And Jesus said, "Come forth and receive everlasting life."
But John came fifth, and only received a toaster.


Who is bigger:
Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby?
The baby, because she's a little bigger. ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?


























Attire! Pete
I now have permission from the boss to use Y.O.L.O. Enjoy life
__________________________________________________
2014 L405 Autobiography SDV8 4.4 Loire Blue Ebony interior
2011 L322 Vogue SE 4.4 TDV8 Baltic Blue. Sold
2012 L322 Autobiography 5.0 Supercharged Ipanema Sand Sold
2002 L322 Vogue 4.4 V8 Epson Green (Fatty Offroader) Sold
-Click for Project Fatty off roader-

Did you hear about the Irishman who thought that Eartha Kitt was a set of gardening tools?

And his mate who thought that Johnny Cash was the change from the vending machine in the Gents? Yesterday I couldn't spell Engineer... Today I are one!
Inventor of the 'Guide-o-Matic automatic wheel alignment tool'
Former long term L322 owner, Up/Down graded to a Classic Tractor!

I did hear about the Irishman who bought some water skis and spent the rest of his life, looking for a lake with a slope. 2017 5.0 Autobiography Supercharged
2005 Merc SL350
2005 Disco HSE 2.7 oil burner

What do you call a man with a car on his head - Jack
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head - Cliff
What do you call a man with no dog - Douglas

What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head - Warren

What do you call a man with a spade on his head - Doug

 ______________________________
Simon
______________________________

Range Rover Classic 3.5 efi - Gone
Range Rover Classic 3.9 efi - Gone
Range Rover Classic 4.2 LSE - Sadly gone
Land Rover 110 3.5 - Gone
Range Rover P38a 4.0 SE - Pleased it's gone
Range Rover P38a 2.5 DHSE - Just sold
Range Rover L322 4.4 v8 Petrol - Current

Headline says 'Boy George's reptile bites 5 people in one day.'
He needs a calmer chameleon.

My laptop seems to be broken and keeps playing ‘Chasing Pavements’ on a loop. I Think it’s a Dell.

I accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces earlier. My next bowel movement could spell disaster. Jordan


'56 SC 4.2 ‘21-Current
'56 SC 4.2 ‘16-‘18

The three nun's.
The one nun was upset because the other nun couldn't get nun.

White horse walks into a pub:

Barman - We have a whisky named after you
Horse - What. Eric?

Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts they belive it to be

Pharaoh Rocher ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

to the Joker..... ______________________________
Simon
______________________________

Range Rover Classic 3.5 efi - Gone
Range Rover Classic 3.9 efi - Gone
Range Rover Classic 4.2 LSE - Sadly gone
Land Rover 110 3.5 - Gone
Range Rover P38a 4.0 SE - Pleased it's gone
Range Rover P38a 2.5 DHSE - Just sold
Range Rover L322 4.4 v8 Petrol - Current

What do you call a cow masturbating


Beef Stroking Off ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Horse walks in a pub and asks for a pint.
the barman says ok, but why the long face.