man walks into a bar.....

ow!

two nuns in a bath

nun 1 - wheres the soap
nun 2 - yes it does rather doesnt it..... There is nothing that can't be fixed with a hammer😜😜
FFRR 4.4 SDV8 Autobiography Santorini Black.
KIA E-Niro 4+
2021 Discovery 5 D300 MHEV commercial

I might have an open coffin funeral ....

Remains to be seen tho ... ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Oh dear we are going low... well not to be out done.....

What's brown and sticky?






....A Stick

Preserve wildlife........ pickle a squirrel

Keep death off the roads.... drive on the pavement  Yesterday I couldn't spell Engineer... Today I are one!
Inventor of the 'Guide-o-Matic automatic wheel alignment tool'
Former long term L322 owner, Up/Down graded to a Classic Tractor!

What do you call an irishman with two panes of glass on his head.?.




















PADDY'O DOORS.

Nice chap, have you met his missis? Patty O'Doors........... Yesterday I couldn't spell Engineer... Today I are one!
Inventor of the 'Guide-o-Matic automatic wheel alignment tool'
Former long term L322 owner, Up/Down graded to a Classic Tractor!

What did the leper tell the hooker............

Keep the tip.  There is nothing that can't be fixed with a hammer😜😜
FFRR 4.4 SDV8 Autobiography Santorini Black.
KIA E-Niro 4+
2021 Discovery 5 D300 MHEV commercial

What did Kim Jong Un say when his father died ....


Well thats his Korea over ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Q. What's the difference between a duck?

A. One of its legs is both the same.



Q. What have a fly and a tomato got in common?

A. Neither of them can drive a tractor.



A man walks into a bar with an apple on his head. The barman says "Why do you have a pear on your head?" The man replies "It's not a pineapple, it's a grapefruit!"

Chap goes into a paint shop and asks for a tin of blue paint.

Sorry sir we only have red!

That's OK I've got my bike outside.

Q. Why is a rat?

A. The higher the fewer. Previous cars:
S-Max 2007-2013 (only diesel I've had, good car but expensive when diesely bits go wrong, so what's the point?)
Galaxy 2001-2007
Mondeo Estate 1997-2001
Sierra Estate 1993-1997
Uno Turbo 1987 -1993
Fiesta 1984 - 1987
Fiat 127 1982 - 1984

A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Can I get a ................. Martini?"


The bartender replies: "Why the big paws?" ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Groan......... ______________________________
Simon
______________________________

Range Rover Classic 3.5 efi - Gone
Range Rover Classic 3.9 efi - Gone
Range Rover Classic 4.2 LSE - Sadly gone
Land Rover 110 3.5 - Gone
Range Rover P38a 4.0 SE - Pleased it's gone
Range Rover P38a 2.5 DHSE - Just sold
Range Rover L322 4.4 v8 Petrol - Current

A koala is sitting up a gum tree ... smoking a joint when a little Lizard walks past and looks up and says,

"Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"

The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much water did you drink?!!" ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

A Drunk was staggering home after a really good lunchtime session, as he rounds the corner he see a car with the bonnet open and a chap leaning over the engine....

"Wot's wrong Mate" says the Drunk

"Piston broke" replies the Chap

"So Am I" says the Drunk Yesterday I couldn't spell Engineer... Today I are one!
Inventor of the 'Guide-o-Matic automatic wheel alignment tool'
Former long term L322 owner, Up/Down graded to a Classic Tractor!

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?


A wooly jumper.


Why can steam engines sit down?

Because they have a tender behind. 405 AB exec seats Baltic and Cirrus
93 RR Classic efi

Remember it's easier to get forgiveness than permission!

Gone in order:
4.4 TDV8 SE - gone to a good home
93 Classic hard dash Plymouth Blue
03 L322 Oslo Blue
2000 Disco TD5 ES Epsom Green
98 P38 Rioja Red
89 Classic Cairngorm Brown

Two bananas are lying on a riverbank when a turd goes floating by.
The turd yells to the bananas, "hey guys, come on in, the water feels great!"
One banana looks at the other banana and says, "do you believe that sh.1t?"



Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!" ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy