The following are all replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details" or putting it another way....Who's the Daddy?

These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check out No 10.

It takes 1st prize and No 3 is runner up.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.
Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was imaculat and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise...

7. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.

8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom

9. So much about that night is a blur, the only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

These women walk amongst us (or is that among?)...be careful out there fella's  GONE 2010 Facelifted 3.6 TDV8 - Stornoway Grey + 22" Overfinch Olympus
HAVE 1999 Discovery 2 GS 4.0 V8 - Silver - Off Road Toy
GONE 2013 L405 4.4 SDV8 Vogue. Black with Silver roofline and 22" s
HAVE 2015 Jaguar XF.

Professor Higgins at the University of Leeds was giving a lecture on
Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to his first year medical students.

Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what
Your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably out fishing with his mates!'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom. GONE 2010 Facelifted 3.6 TDV8 - Stornoway Grey + 22" Overfinch Olympus
HAVE 1999 Discovery 2 GS 4.0 V8 - Silver - Off Road Toy
GONE 2013 L405 4.4 SDV8 Vogue. Black with Silver roofline and 22" s
HAVE 2015 Jaguar XF.

I’ve decided to sell my hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set.

Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief.

I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s.

I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me.

Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying.

oops

Last edited by Pauld on 19th Aug 2014 10:26am. Edited 1 time in total

KurtVerbose wrote:

I’ve decided to sell my hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

No - read in the telegraph. This years top jokes from the Edinburgh fringe.

An elderly married couple were at home watching TV.



The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.



The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

I thought it was a seaside tragedy when I saw the headline!!!

"Young lad tossed off Cliff".


Just goes to show, you never know what dangers are lurking in the Shadows.

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

And finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"


"Like I'm talking to a f--k--g brick wall