Love it !!

A 12 year old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the window was wound down.
I'll give you a bag of lollies if you get in the car, said the male driver.
"No way, get stuffed", replied the boy.
How about a bag of lollies and £10 asked the driver?
"No way" , replied the irritated youngster.
"What about a bag of lollies and FIFTY pounds, eh"? quizzed the driver, still rolling slowly to keep up with the walking boy.
"No, I'n not getting in the car!" answered the boy.
"OK, I know what you want - I'll give you £100 and a bag of lollies" the driver offered.
"NO," screamed the boy.
What will it take to get you into the car"? asked the driver sighing.
The boy replied: "Listen Dad, you brought a *****ing BMW - you live with it!"

BMW TO INITIATE A MAJOR RECALL

Following a serious incident, BMW are to recall 500,000 affected vehicles. The problem manifests itself when a driver attmpts to us the indicators.

Click image to enlarge

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

as per AJG's photo, perhaps best not to use main beams either

a trifle late, but>>>>>>>>>

woman says to the doctor "doctor I'm having a problem with my avaries"

"do you mean your ovaries madam?"

"no, i mean my avaries"

"ok, lie down and I'll have a look"

"oh yes, I see what you mean there's been a cockatoo up there"

Edith woke up after her Vaginal Tuck operation and was surprised to see three bunches of flowers on her bedside table...
One bunch from her surgeon saying...'Congratulations, the operation was a complete success'
One bunch from her husband saying...'I love you so much darling'
And one bunch from Paddy in the severe burns unit saying...'Thank you for the new ears'

3 vampires go into a bar.

"pint of blood please" says the first one - so the barman pours his pint.

"pinto of blood for me too" says the second vampire and the barman pours it out.

"blood for you as well sir?" say the barman to the third. he replies "no, a pint of water please, i use tea bags" as he pulls out a used tampon...

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

She hit the roof! Agueroooooooooo. 93-20
I swear you will never see anything like this ever again....watch it..drink it in.

Queen, looking at the Duke

Still at the wheel, refusung to to apologise, learnt nothing, won't belt up...


Duke

She's your bloody prime minister.



WTT today's Private Eye. Cheers
Richard

(there are no such things as an ordinary FullFat, an ordinary cat or too many tools)
2011 TDV8 Vogue Santorini Black
Gap IIDBT

A weasel walks into a bar. The barman says "Wow, I've never served a weasel, what can I get you?"

"Pop!" Goes the weasel Agueroooooooooo. 93-20
I swear you will never see anything like this ever again....watch it..drink it in.