Driving a FFRR in the snow is like eating pussy.




If you don't slow down and pay attention you could slide into the asshole in front of you!

BE CAREFUL THIS WINTER!

The wife asked me how many women I had slept with?
I proudly answered, "Only you my Darling.......all the others kept me awake all night shagging".

WTF is that avatar Mick

Exactly, looks like a flag from the middle east?

It's good intit ............

MICK wrote:

It's good intit ............

Eh.....no

Male Sensitivity


The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men
how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial.
It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember, you're in this together.
It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.”

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?”, answered the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

Due to the bad weather and shortage of Condoms down South we the Scots are sending an emergency batch down South, all are for 6" as they're too small for the Scottish market.

As a lorry driver stops for a red light on A12 a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The driver lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"



The driver ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the driver lowers the window.



As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"



Shaking his head, the driver ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again.



All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The driver lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"



When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says,............



"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter and I'm driving the f------ gritter......."

Two old guys talking. One said to the other:

"My 72nd birthday was yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV."

Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing!

Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!"

First guy: "Yup... Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"

This bloke came up to me and said, "Your wife's got lovely big tits. Would you mind if I had a feel?"

"Sure mate, go for it. She won't mind."

Afterwards, the undertaker thanked me for being a great sport and we closed the coffin lid.

My mate asked me if I thought his wife was attractive.

"You know what I'd like to do to your wife?" I said. "I'd like to sneak up behind her when she's leaving work, gag her, strip her naked and give her a bit of surprise anal sex. But please don't tell her I said that."

"Flipping hell mate, of course I'm not telling her that."

"Cheers," I said. "It would ruin the surprise."

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam.
Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted..
The waiting room was filled with patients.
As I approached the receptionist's desk,
I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
I gave her my name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The room erupted in applause!

DON'T MESS WITH US OLD RETIRED GUYS!!!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson have solved another case. Afterwards, they celebrate with a few brandies at their Baker St. residence. Holmes, feeling the brandy, reaches over and puts his hand on Watson's knee.

"Watson, for some time I've wanted to tell you that I quite fancy you."

With a sense of relief Dr. Watson replies, "And I you, my good Holmes. I've simply never felt comfortable expressing my feelings without knowing where you stood on the matter."

"Right", says Holmes, "Let us retire to the bedroom then."

Watson rushes to the bedroom and strips to his shorts. Holmes pulls down Watson's underwear, bends him over the desk then tells him to hold that pose. Complying, Watson watches as Holmes leaves the bedroom and returns with a lemon meringue pie. He smears the pie across Watson's ass and proceeds to him. Later they're lying in bed making small talk. Watson says, "That was fantastic Holmes, but I have to ask; what was all that with the pie?"

"Lemon-entry my dear Watson, lemon-entry."