flunnyyyy

Good joke, but at least 30 years old!

Yeah Kurt I remember that one now, it was told on your 50th birthday party, you're right

I remember it from the early 80's when I wasn't even in my 40's!

The old ones are the best ones!!  The forums premier drug dealer and human trafficking consultant


Range Rover Vogue SE 4.4 TDV8, Range Rover Sport HSE 3.6TDV8, Audi S8 V10, Jaguar XKR Conv, Jaguar XJS V12 Conv, Land Rover Disco 3, Lexus LS 400 MkIV, Lexus LS400 Mk III.

Kurt you mean early 40ies when you weren't in your 80ies, doesn't matter, as Jim sais the old ones are the best ones

A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem,
as he was unable to get his "old chap standing to attention".

The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around
the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection
and there was nothing he could actually do for him.

However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if
he was willing to take the risk.

The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an
elephant's trunk into his 'old fella'.

The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go
through life without sex was too much for him to bear.

So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the
elephant, the man decided to go for it.

A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to
go and try out his newly renovated equipment.

As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girl friend and
took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of
dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point
of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his
fly and his "old chap" sprang out, slid across the top of the table,
grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on
her face said, 'That was incredible! Can you do that again?'

With tears in his eyes he replied, 'I think I can, but I’m not
sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse'. GONE 2010 Facelifted 3.6 TDV8 - Stornoway Grey + 22" Overfinch Olympus
HAVE 1999 Discovery 2 GS 4.0 V8 - Silver - Off Road Toy
GONE 2013 L405 4.4 SDV8 Vogue. Black with Silver roofline and 22" s
HAVE 2015 Jaguar XF.

If that's the case, don't go near a forest.



Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie

theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,

"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man just groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the old man just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police.


The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Frank Orlowski" the old man moaned.

"Where ya from, Frank," asked the police officer?
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With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Frank replied, "The balcony."  GONE 2010 Facelifted 3.6 TDV8 - Stornoway Grey + 22" Overfinch Olympus
HAVE 1999 Discovery 2 GS 4.0 V8 - Silver - Off Road Toy
GONE 2013 L405 4.4 SDV8 Vogue. Black with Silver roofline and 22" s
HAVE 2015 Jaguar XF.

 If it dont work.......burn it!

If the IId tool cant fix it.......burn the FF.

If the FF cant be fixed......buy a Land Cruiser!

If the LC cant be fixed..............................................BUY a horse !!

An Italian doctor says: "In Italy, medicine is so advanced that we
cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks,
he is looking for work."

The Dutch doctor says: "That's nothing, in Holland we take part of a
brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

The Canadian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a
man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The British doctor laughs: "You all are behind us.
Five years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no balls
and made him Prime Minister Now, the whole country is looking for work!" GONE 2010 Facelifted 3.6 TDV8 - Stornoway Grey + 22" Overfinch Olympus
HAVE 1999 Discovery 2 GS 4.0 V8 - Silver - Off Road Toy
GONE 2013 L405 4.4 SDV8 Vogue. Black with Silver roofline and 22" s
HAVE 2015 Jaguar XF.

The Lone Ranger
Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a Beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who Owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns
that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,


(...I JUST LOVE THIS PART...)
"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin".