http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive...22180a.swf 2011 Range Rover Vogue SE 4.4 TDV8

Previous cars :
2003 Range Rover Vogue TD6
1999 Discovery Td5 ES
1995 BMW M5 3.8 6 speed
1992 Range Rover 3.9 Efi Vogue
1992 BMW M5 3.8
1988 BMW 735i SE
1989 Ford Sierra XR4x4 2.9i
1981 Ford Fiesta Supersport

Four words you never want to hear after sex............
HOW'S ABOUT THAT THEN...... gone fishin'

Our records indicate that you were once felt up by Jimmy Saville and could be entitled to £2,500 in compensation.
Just reply "hows about that then" to register, or to opt out just text "stop jimmy stop,"
Register before the end of the month and get a free "Lawyers 4 U fixed it for me" medal. gone fishin'

After receiving numerous customer complaints,

a German plumbing firm bought their plumbers a new t-shirt,

designed to make their employees more attractive to the customers...

 2011 Range Rover Vogue SE 4.4 TDV8

Previous cars :
2003 Range Rover Vogue TD6
1999 Discovery Td5 ES
1995 BMW M5 3.8 6 speed
1992 Range Rover 3.9 Efi Vogue
1992 BMW M5 3.8
1988 BMW 735i SE
1989 Ford Sierra XR4x4 2.9i
1981 Ford Fiesta Supersport

Fifty Shades of Grey



“Fifty Shades of Grey Hair”


The missus bought a paperback

At Waterstones, on Saturday,

I had a quick look in her bag;

T’was “fifty shades of grey”.

...

Well I just left her to it,

At ten I went to bed.

One hour later she appeared;

The sight filled me with dread…..

...

In her left hand she held a rope,

And in her right a whip!

She threw them down there on the floor,

And then began to strip.

...

Well fifty years or so ago;

I might have had a peek;

But Doris hasn’t weathered well;

And she’s eighty four next week.

...

Watching Doris bump and grind;

Could not have been much grimmer.

Then things they went from bad to worse;

She toppled off her Zimmer!

...

She struggled up upon her feet;

A couple of minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and said…

That I must dominate her!!

...

Now if you knew our Doris,

You’d see just why I spluttered,

I’d spent two months in tra_ction

For the last complaint I’d uttered.

...

She stood there nude, all naked like;

Bent forward just a bit ….

So I stepped forward like a man,

and stood on her left tit!

...

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;

My god what had I done!?

She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

“Step on the other one”!!

...

Well readers, I can tell no more;

'bout what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair's,….

Turned “fifty shades of grey”.

The Vatican has revealed that Jimmy Savile was only two sexual assaults away from getting his own parish. gone fishin'

I wish everybody would stop criticizing Jimmy Savile. When i was eight he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded gone fishin'

“Mummy, mummy, what’s a pussy?” asked the small boy. His
mother went to the encyclopaedia and showed him a picture
of a cat.
“That’s a pussy,” she said.
“Mummy, mummy, what’s a bitch?” continued the little boy.
Again, mother consulted the encyclopaedia and showed her
son a picture of a dog.
But the boy wasn’t convinced so he went to his father and
asked him what a pussy was. Dad went to his magazine,
opened it at the centrefold and drew a circle.
“There you are, son,” he said, “that’s a pussy.”
Then the little boy asked him what a bitch was and dad
replied sadly, “Everything outside the circle, son.”

“Mummy, mummy, what are you doing?” exclaimed the little
boy as he walked into the bedroom to find her sitting on
daddy.
“Just flattening daddy’s tummy,” mum replied.
“I wouldn’t bother, when you go out tonight the au pair will
only blow it up again.”

“Mummy, mummy, I’ve discovered how babies are made.
I saw daddy put his willy in your mouth last night.”
“No, that’s not right,” replied mummy, “that’s how I get my
expensive jewellery.”

It's been established that one of those Asian men grooming young girls in Rochdale was known locally as Jamaal Fixit. gone fishin'

U.S met office issues a stark warning ...


Hurricane Sandy has been upgraded to a British Summer.

Blonde Joke of the Week. (Maybe month? Hey, Maybe year?)

The Blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh.

Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location.

She responds 'It's really cool.
If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean.......'

Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

"I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch.
It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, the chain broke; it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.










"Sshit!" said the hypnotist.


It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center.
Claude was never invited back.