Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school.
She had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks;" How did it go?"

"I died of shame!" She answers!

“Why?” Her Mother asked.

Annie said, “Koos from down the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.”

Her mother answers laughingly “But that’s no reason to be ashamed”,

“No, but I can’t tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had
to make me yourselves!”

Halfway through my shift at Boots yesterday,a guy came in to pick up some photos of his naked wife.
Naturally, i had a peek at them as i handed them over. "Would you like the negatives?" I asked.
"Yes please," he said sheepishly. I said "Ok then, your wifes got a fat a.r.s.e and saggy t.i.t.s and she
should maybe think about giving that f.a.n.n.y of hers a good trim". gone fishin'

 Current MY2020
Gone: 1 x L405 and 2 x L322's

My wife asked me to help her from sucking her thumb. I found the perfect way. I drew a picture of a cock on it.

I am 70 years old & love to fish.

I was sitting on a dock the other day,
When I heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

I looked around & couldn't see anyone.

I thought I was dreaming when
I heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'

I looked in the water & there,
Floating on the top, was a frog.

I said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
Pick me up then, kiss me &
I'll turn into the most beautiful woman
You have ever seen.'

'I'll make sure that all your friends
Are envious & jealous because I will be your mistress.'

I looked at the frog for a short time,
Reached over, picked it up carefully,
& placed it in my front pocket.

The frog said to me, 'What, are you nuts?
Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me & I will be your beautiful mistress.'

At that moment I opened my pocket, looked at the frog & said,

'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

2 Interesting facts you never knew about me......
1. my penis is a long as two Argos pens,
2. I'me banned from Argos....  gone fishin'

I had my annual check up at the doctors today and she told me I should stop mastubating.

When I asked her why? She said "because you are making my desk wobble"

A British Engineer has just started his own business in Afghanistan .

He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.

It's doing well.

He says prophets are going through the roof.

And the Overheads are Sky High ….

^

Ellie Simmonds was incredible in the paralympic games at swimming
i bet her dad was so happy! or was it sneezy?  gone fishin'

"PREMATURE EJACULATOR, seeks beautiful blonde with massive t.i.t.s,long tanned legs and a shaved...................
wait............ohhh f.u.c.k it doesn't matter now!"  gone fishin'

After hot passionate sex with my girlfriend, she snuggled up to me and said" You know you are by far the biggest i've ever had" Apparently "Ditto" is not the right response....... gone fishin'

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to
do was eat, drink and be Mary.

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking
for some hot action. So I sent her my ironing.


After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find

himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had
made it home safely.

Paddy says to Mick, Christmas is on Friday this year. Mick said,

Let's hope it's not the 13th then.

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to
hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window
and cry. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Came home one day early in December to find all my doors and windows
smashed and everything gone. What sort of sick person does that to
someone's Advent calendar.?

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be
honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.


After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women
happy. Nothing.

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a
part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married
for 25 years. The dad says, Never mind son, maybe next year you'll
get a speaking part.

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's rather a lot.
Apparently Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a
month: time to change supplier I think.


A man called Joseph called at my door and asked what bread I ate, and
when I said white he gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread
for 30 minutes. I think he was a Joe Hovis Witness. Current MY2020
Gone: 1 x L405 and 2 x L322's

HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested..'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honor thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said
'Thou shall not steal.' 
'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'
Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
'I have Commandments..'
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'They're free.'
'We'll take 10.'
  Previously..
Vogue SE TD6
Defender 90 2.4
Defender 110 TD5
Vogue 3.5 EFI