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Robert



Member Since: 25 Oct 2011
Location: Perigueux
Posts: 2289

France 2007 Range Rover Vogue 4.4 V8 Zambezi Silver
Speechless

Post #335819 4th Jul 2015 12:47pm
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Alistair



Member Since: 11 Feb 2011
Location: Peterborough / Bordeaux / Andorra
Posts: 7941

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Vogue SE SDV8 Santorini Black

Rolling with laughter

Post #335829 4th Jul 2015 1:57pm
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Dixy



Member Since: 09 Apr 2009
Location: Somerset
Posts: 1096

2016 Range Rover Vogue SDV8 Loire Blue

Is that because the gap is not big enough ? letters not necessarily in the right order

Post #335834 4th Jul 2015 2:54pm
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Cam-Tech-Craig



Member Since: 03 Aug 2011
Location: Gloucestershire
Posts: 16294

England 2015 Range Rover SVAutobiography SDV8 Loire Blue

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down

Post #335896 4th Jul 2015 10:47pm
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Robert



Member Since: 25 Oct 2011
Location: Perigueux
Posts: 2289

France 2007 Range Rover Vogue 4.4 V8 Zambezi Silver

BEING ASSERTIVE
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled
"You Can Be The Man of Your House".
He stormed out to his wife in the kitchen and announced “
From now on I’m running this show, and my word will be law.
You’ll prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m
done eating it, you’ll serve me a scrumptious dessert.


After dinner you’re going upstairs with me, and we’ll have
any kind of sex that I choose !
Afterwards, you’re going to run me a relaxing bath. You’ll
wash my back, towel me dry, and bring me my robe. Then,
you’ll massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb
my hair?”


The wife replied
"The undertaker would be my first guess!”

Post #347681 14th Sep 2015 1:59pm
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Cam-Tech-Craig



Member Since: 03 Aug 2011
Location: Gloucestershire
Posts: 16294

England 2015 Range Rover SVAutobiography SDV8 Loire Blue

Laughing Laughing Laughing

Post #347751 14th Sep 2015 11:27pm
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Andra



Member Since: 22 Sep 2015
Location: Scotland
Posts: 81

United Kingdom 

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating fast, and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age but, eventually, there she was, standing beside me.

I gave her an adoring smile and said, "Get that trolley over here, Love. They're doing three cases of beer for the price of two!"

Post #349557 27th Sep 2015 3:13am
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Alistair



Member Since: 11 Feb 2011
Location: Peterborough / Bordeaux / Andorra
Posts: 7941

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Vogue SE SDV8 Santorini Black

My wife's tourettes test came back negative



Apparently I really am a c Censored t and should just f Censored k off

Post #349584 27th Sep 2015 8:22am
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Rosco



Member Since: 20 Jan 2012
Location: Beyond the wall.
Posts: 2576

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Autobiography SDV8 Baltic Blue

My neighbour knocked at my door at 3am this morning! Can you believe it? 3am!

Luckily, I was still up playing the drums...... Thumbs Up

Post #349891 29th Sep 2015 7:39am
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iKushtyy



Member Since: 19 Apr 2015
Location: London
Posts: 94

England 2007 Range Rover Vogue TDV8 Stornoway Grey

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, who knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner, completely unaware of who Tiger is.

"Top of the mornin' sir" says the attendant. Tiger waves a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving" says Tiger.
"Fookin Jesus" exclaims the Irishman. "Them boys at BMW think of everything."

Post #350927 6th Oct 2015 6:05pm
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Andra



Member Since: 22 Sep 2015
Location: Scotland
Posts: 81

United Kingdom 

An older couple who were both widowed had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

She asked how often he would be golfing to which he replied, only once a week.

Then finally he decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather tentatively.

"I would like it infrequently "she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses then leaned over towards her and whispered;






"Is that one word or two?"

Post #352241 14th Oct 2015 3:59pm
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Cam-Tech-Craig



Member Since: 03 Aug 2011
Location: Gloucestershire
Posts: 16294

England 2015 Range Rover SVAutobiography SDV8 Loire Blue

Laughing Laughing Laughing clever Bow down Thumbs Up

Post #352328 14th Oct 2015 11:01pm
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RR2008HSE



Member Since: 06 Jan 2013
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 2932

Canada 2008 Range Rover HSE 4.4 V8 Java Black

Ah, sex and grammar. Laughing

Post #352480 16th Oct 2015 1:03am
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dand



Member Since: 03 Sep 2014
Location: Wokingham
Posts: 50

United Kingdom 2008 Range Rover Vogue SE TDV8 Barolo Black

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with the vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death!

Post #356155 10th Nov 2015 8:26pm
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Cam-Tech-Craig



Member Since: 03 Aug 2011
Location: Gloucestershire
Posts: 16294

England 2015 Range Rover SVAutobiography SDV8 Loire Blue

Shocked Shocked Shocked Rolling Eyes


Laughing Thumbs Up

Post #356184 10th Nov 2015 11:36pm
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