Is that because the gap is not big enough ? letters not necessarily in the right order

BEING ASSERTIVE
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled
"You Can Be The Man of Your House".
He stormed out to his wife in the kitchen and announced “
From now on I’m running this show, and my word will be law.
You’ll prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m
done eating it, you’ll serve me a scrumptious dessert.

After dinner you’re going upstairs with me, and we’ll have
any kind of sex that I choose !
Afterwards, you’re going to run me a relaxing bath. You’ll
wash my back, towel me dry, and bring me my robe. Then,
you’ll massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb
my hair?”

The wife replied
"The undertaker would be my first guess!”

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating fast, and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age but, eventually, there she was, standing beside me.

I gave her an adoring smile and said, "Get that trolley over here, Love. They're doing three cases of beer for the price of two!"

My wife's tourettes test came back negative



Apparently I really am a c t and should just f k off

My neighbour knocked at my door at 3am this morning! Can you believe it? 3am!

Luckily, I was still up playing the drums......

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, who knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner, completely unaware of who Tiger is.

"Top of the mornin' sir" says the attendant. Tiger waves a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving" says Tiger.
"Fookin Jesus" exclaims the Irishman. "Them boys at BMW think of everything."

An older couple who were both widowed had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

She asked how often he would be golfing to which he replied, only once a week.

Then finally he decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather tentatively.

"I would like it infrequently "she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses then leaned over towards her and whispered;






"Is that one word or two?"

clever

Ah, sex and grammar.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with the vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death!