I organized a threesome last night. There were a couple of no-shows, but that didn't stop me.

Standard deviation not enough for a perverted statistician.

Kleptomaniacs are no good at jokes because they always take everything literally.

Why do autobiography's have an 'about the author' section?

You're on a roll, Kurt!

it has to be done...... pasting search for 'land rover jokes'.....let's get them out of the way...

Land Rover jokes .
They say 90% of all Land Rovers manufactured are still on the road.
The other 10% have reached their destination.

Land Rovers are just like married women…
They moan on long journeys, embarrass you in front of friends and
you spend more money than you ever expected once you've committed
yourself to one.

Traffic cops congratulate you when they issue you a speeding ticket!

Why do Land Rovers have jerry cans and gas bottles fitted?
So that the driver can make coffee while waiting for AA road assistance.

Land Rovers have the best fuel consumption of all 4x4s.
That's because they are always being towed by other vehicles.

Why do Land Rovers always drive in convoy?
They are playing ‘Who’s The Weakest Link?’

Ever wondered why the models are called Series 90, Defender 110, etc?
Those numbers in the model name indicate their top speeds!

When you drive on a toll road, you’ll notice these yellow emergency
phones next to the road. Stop and look closer. On the phones there
are four emergency numbers listed: Police, ambulance, fire and…
Landrover Service!

Q: What do you find on page 4 and 5 of a Land Rover Owner's Manual?
A: The train & bus timetable.

Q: What is the sport version of a Land Rover?
A: When the driver wears Nike shoes.

Q: What do you call a Land Rover with brakes?
A: Customized.

Q: What do you do if your Landy gets surrounded by a swarm of killer bees?
A: Stop pushing and take refuge inside the vehicle.

Q. Why do the latest models have rear window demisters?
A. To keep your hands warm when pushing.

Land Rover dealers have a special promotion this month…
Buy one, and you get a dog for free!!
Then you don’t have to walk home alone!

Better posted on the Defender forum "me finks"

Paddy took two stuffed dogs to the 'Antiques Roadshow' for assessment.

"Ooh!" the presenter said, "This is a very rare set produced by the Johns Brothers Celebrated Taxidermists."

"They operated in London at the turn of last century"

"Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"





"Sticks," replied Paddy.

The future, past and present went into a bar.

It was tense.

A woman stands at the edge of a Cliff trying to pluck up the courage to jump off when a tramp approaches and asks 'if you're going to jump can we have sex first?'
The woman tells him to ' off!'
'fine' replies the tramp, ' I'll go and wait at the bottom then!' Current MY2020
Gone: 1 x L405 and 2 x L322's

Irish pick up line

An Irishman was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him, so he leans over and says,
"You remind me of my little toe."

She replies, "What? You mean I'm small and cute?"

He says, "No. I'll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed."
'Good", she replied . "Get your own blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted. There is nothing that can't be fixed with a hammer😜😜
FFRR 4.4 SDV8 Autobiography Santorini Black.
KIA E-Niro 4+
2010 LR D4 Commercial 2.7 TDV6

While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US , we know very little about it.”

The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”

The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”

The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want - but surgery is your only option.”

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”

The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid American Docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!”

“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.

“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two week. Faw off by itself!

Two men are in the Doctor's surgery waiting to see the doctor. As you do, they got talking:-

Second man to first 'what are you here for?'

First man 'I've got a red ring round the end of my dick'

Second man 'funny that, I've got a green ring round the end of mine'

Doctor calls 'next patient', first man goes in to see him.

Doctor - 'whats your trouble son?'

First man 'I've got a red ring round the end of my dick'

Doctor 'drop you trousers and lets have a look'

Doctor examines the man's dick, and tells him 'nothing to worry about, go home, give it a good wash and you'll be OK'

On his way out, the second man asks the first 'how did you get on'

First man 'he told me to go home and give it a good wash, and I'll be OK'

Doctor calls 'next patient', second man goes in.

Doctor 'whats your problem son?'

Second man 'I've got a green ring round the end of my dick'

Doctor 'drop your trousers, lets have a look'

Doctor examines the man, breathes in, and says in a grave voice 'I'm afraid we're going to have to amputate this straight away'

Second man, horrified 'but you told the last guy to go home and give his a good wash and he would be OK'.

Doctor 'There's a big difference between lipstick and gangrene!!'  2006 (56 Reg) 4.4 V8 Vogue In Bonatti Grey (Gorgeous!!)