Tesco's Quaterpounders, the affordable way to get your daughter that pony she asked for 2007 3.0L Diesel VW Touareg SE
2003 4.4 LPG, Vogue, Silver

Wonderful English from Around the World

In a Bangkok Temple :
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa , leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWNGRAVES .

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. (Just Like British Airways!!!)

A Laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.


And finally the all time classic:


Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:


IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE… 2011 Range Rover Vogue SE 4.4 TDV8

Previous cars :
2003 Range Rover Vogue TD6
1999 Discovery Td5 ES
1995 BMW M5 3.8 6 speed
1992 Range Rover 3.9 Efi Vogue
1992 BMW M5 3.8
1988 BMW 735i SE
1989 Ford Sierra XR4x4 2.9i
1981 Ford Fiesta Supersport

Horse burgers in Tesco ?

Whats next ? My LIDL ponies ? 2011 Range Rover Vogue SE 4.4 TDV8

Previous cars :
2003 Range Rover Vogue TD6
1999 Discovery Td5 ES
1995 BMW M5 3.8 6 speed
1992 Range Rover 3.9 Efi Vogue
1992 BMW M5 3.8
1988 BMW 735i SE
1989 Ford Sierra XR4x4 2.9i
1981 Ford Fiesta Supersport

Man hospitalised after eating a Tesco burger is said to be in a stable condition. 2011 Range Rover Vogue SE 4.4 TDV8

Previous cars :
2003 Range Rover Vogue TD6
1999 Discovery Td5 ES
1995 BMW M5 3.8 6 speed
1992 Range Rover 3.9 Efi Vogue
1992 BMW M5 3.8
1988 BMW 735i SE
1989 Ford Sierra XR4x4 2.9i
1981 Ford Fiesta Supersport

My kids keep taking the p out of my alzheimers.

Wait till the cheeky little wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire ! 2011 Range Rover Vogue SE 4.4 TDV8

Previous cars :
2003 Range Rover Vogue TD6
1999 Discovery Td5 ES
1995 BMW M5 3.8 6 speed
1992 Range Rover 3.9 Efi Vogue
1992 BMW M5 3.8
1988 BMW 735i SE
1989 Ford Sierra XR4x4 2.9i
1981 Ford Fiesta Supersport

The tesco horse burger fiasco has taken a turn for the worse.... It turns out the horses were all sexually abused before being turned into burgers. Police are blaming JIMMY SADDLE..  Previously..
Vogue SE TD6
Defender 90 2.4
Defender 110 TD5
Vogue 3.5 EFI

Horse meat found in Tesco burgers! Meanwhile camel toe has been found in primark leggings! gone fishin'

I'm dreading what DNA they'll find in the welsh lamb

I hope its not mine  gone fishin'

cleughy wrote:

I'm dreading what DNA they'll find in the welsh lamb

Where's Dan when you need an answer

Everyone gave me a disguted look and the wife went apeshit when i arrived nearly an hour late for her mothers funeral today.

'Just been to pick up a cheeseburger for 99p from the McDonald's pound saver menu.'

Didn't go down as well as the advert makes out. ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

I.ve been eating those Tesco horse burgars and have found myself craving sugar cubes,eating oats and hay & my breath stinks!!!! On the other hand my c.o.c.k has grown a foot and i can legally s.h.i.t in the street.!!! gone fishin'

A highways warning said anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing including a scarf, hat, gloves, 24 hour supply of food and drink, de-icer,rock salt, warning triangle,tow-rope, petrol can, first aid kit and jump leads.
I looked a right t.w.a.t on the bus this morning. gone fishin'

I impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done,
When i was on drugs i couldn't even find my bike. gone fishin'

Last night I saw a man playing 'Dancing Queen' on his didgeridoo.

I thought to myself that’s Abbariginal.