Okay, I'm here, and I need the brain trust. I've had a 2012 RR HSE for about 3 1/2 years now, outside of some suspension replacements and oil changes, I've had no issues. That changed tonight.

Did about a 5 mile drive to grab a movie from Redbox and then grab dinner. Started up quick, no problems driving. I left it idling and went out to grab the movie. When I came back (literally 60 seconds later) it had died and was flashing every error message there is.
- ABS
- EBD
- Stability Control
- Emergency Brake Assist
- Engine Temperature Indicator
- Charging System
- Suspension Fault
- Gearbox Fault
- Terrain Response

I had to hold the start/stop button in longer than usual to shut it down.
When I tried to start, nothing. Not even the click you usually hear when it's a dead battery.

Here are some interesting observations:

- If I turn the headlights on, the dash indicator shows them as on, but they don't come on
- If I click the lock button on the dash, it doesn't work, but the key fob still locks, mirrors fold in
- When I lock/unlock with the fob, the side markers flash, but the front and rear indicators do not
- Radio still works
- Just now when I went to log all the errors, after a couple minutes, the radio display said "Low Power, Shutting Down"
- Rear hatch does not open (electric release switch)
- Clock did not reset

So it seems like some electrics are functioning, some are not.

My immediate thought was battery. When the tow truck came, they tried their little laptop charger but it didn't change anything. I had been waiting 2 hours, so I didn't press it and just had them take it home.

Battery is more than 2 years old, less than 3. For whatever reason, that's the one single receipt I can't seem to locate.

I will try jumping off a real source tomorrow morning, it's dark and I'm annoyed. Anything else I can try? Ideas?

The closest shop that will do anything to this outside of suspension or oil changes will be a $300+ tow just to get it there, so if it's something we can ID and take care of before taking it out, I'm all ears.

Help~~~[/list] 2012 L322 5.0l NA
Santorini Black / Sand

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i am listening RR 2005 4.4 petrol
Any spelling mistakes are the fault of spellchecker
Previous MG J2, CITROEN light 15 x 2 gone unfortunately
Present MERC 180e, RANGE ROVER L322, JAGUAR XJS, MERC 280SE, MG F, JAGUAR S-Type 6v 2003, jaguar s-type 8v 2004, Ford Cougar

All sounds like typical alternator symptoms too me mate. Go to your local hardware shop and get a multimeter and check the battery with that. If the alternator is dead it could easily kill the battery and throw up all the faults. Start with the cheapest and work your way around the starting point

Another possibility could be that the plates in one cell of the battery warped then came into contact with each other. This 'kills' that cell and, because all six cells are in series, renders the battery almost useless. I've had this happen overnight on a different vehicle (not a RR) with a relatively 'young' battery and got pretty much the same result - battery great when I put the vehicle away for the night, and dead the next morning even though there was no drain whatsoever on the battery.

I agree that checking the voltage with a multi-meter would enable you to determine if the battery is almost dead. Alternatively a battery condition tester would provide a similar test.

I hope this might help.

MP 2003 4.4L (BMW) V8 Vogue

Thanks everyone for the help. I had time to work on it this afternoon, so I disconnected the battery and let it sit for 30 minutes. Tested at 12.3v at that point. Connected it back up and everything started up and functions perfectly.

I took it to the shop and had them run a full test. Battery, alternator, starter all tested out exceptional.

So it was really just a computer fluke. 2012 L322 5.0l NA
Santorini Black / Sand

WOW RR 2005 4.4 petrol
Any spelling mistakes are the fault of spellchecker
Previous MG J2, CITROEN light 15 x 2 gone unfortunately
Present MERC 180e, RANGE ROVER L322, JAGUAR XJS, MERC 280SE, MG F, JAGUAR S-Type 6v 2003, jaguar s-type 8v 2004, Ford Cougar