EXTRACTS FROM THE DIARY OF "A Sassenach" WHO MOVED TO THE HIGHLANDS.


DEC 20th
It’s started to snow. The first of the season and the first we’ve seen for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It’s so beautiful and peaceful.

DEC 24th
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white, glistening snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush is covered in a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled for the first time and loved it. I did both our driveway and the footpath. Later a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved, I waved back, and shovelled it away again.

DEC 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night, and the temperature dropped to around -8 degrees. Several on our trees and bushes snapped through the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again, shortly afterwards the snow plough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is brownish-grey.

JAN 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars. Fell on my arse on the driveway. One hundred pounds to a physio, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

JAN 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife’s car and bought her a Land Rover to get her to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing. Had another 8 inches of white last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush. More shovelling in store for now. The bastard snow plough came by twice today.

JAN 9th
More snow! Not a tree or bush on our property that has not been damaged. Power was off for most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater, which tipped up and nearly burnt the house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns to my hands. I lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows (car hit a deer, on the way to casualty and was written off!)

JAN 13th
bastard white keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the post box. If I ever catch that arsehole that drives the snow plough, I’ll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think he hides round the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling, and then he comes down the road at 100 mph and buries the driveway again.

JAN 17th
16 more inches of snow, and sleet, and ice, and god knows what kind of white fell last night. I wounded that bastard of a snow plough driver with an ice-axe but he got away. car won’t start. I think I’m going snow blind. I can’t move my toes. Haven’t seen the sun in weeks. More snow forecast. Temperature -20 degrees. this I’m moving back to Clapham. 2008 MY Supercharged
Rimini Red / Jet
four zone climate
remote park heater
and no ugly kid windows.
magnus satis quod turpis satis

friggin …..


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"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy