A CATHOLIC PRIEST WAS ON THE TELLY VISION PRAISING ONE OF HIS ALTER BOYS FOR SAVING HIS LIFE!
THE 14YEAR OLD APPARENTLY FOND A LUMP ON ONE OF HIS TESTICLES.



MY WIFE ASKED ME TO HELP HER STOP SUCKING HER THUMB.

SO I DREW A C.O.C.K ON IT

A man went to see his doctor and said 'Doctor, I keep writing in capital letters'.

The doctor thought for a moment and then showed him this button on his keyboard: -

 ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Two fish in a tank.

One says to the other -

"How do you drive this thing?"







. . . . . . sorry - couldn't resist it . . . .  Where do you go after one of these . . . ?

Warning!!!!Don't join the Tesco dating agency , I just did and ended up with a bag for life. ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

I reported a dead woman lying in a field to the police.
They asked me " how did you find her body?""

Her tits were ok, but the rigormortis had tightened her asshole a little too much for my liking" I replied. ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Police in the US are said to be investigating the possibility that Joe Frazier's death may have been suspicious.





George Foreman's being grilled!  Got - 2017 SDV8 Autobiography in Loire Blue
Had- 2008 TDV8 Vogue SE in Java black
Had - 2007 S/C in Stornoway Grey

On tonight's "I'm a Celebrity get me out of here" 4 contestants have to suck on a Penis ….

Unfortunately for them it's Fatima Whitbread's  ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

I've just bought a lighter and it has a Pink Flame........

I'm going to use it to start Camp Fires....... Regards
Mark

2009 D4; 1993 Classic 3.9 VSE

I'm starting to be really careful about drink driving, now christmas isn't far away!!
In fact i left my car at the pub last night and took the bus home.
I'm quite proud of myself. I'd never driven a bus before.

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and
prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the sh*t out of him.

New Ford for 2012

Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women which should be far less susceptible to theft.

They are mixing the Renault Clio and the Ford Taurus naming it the "Clitaurus."

The average male thief won't be able to find it, let alone operate the damn thing!

QUIZ


ARE YOU A MALE OR FEMALE?

NOT SURE?

HAVE A LOOK FURTHER DOWN TO FIND OUT...

































NOT IN THIS THREAD YOU IDIOT





I worry about you sometimes.

The Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, the Nurse says "Congratulations, Your wife has had quint's, 5 big baby boys."

The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney."

The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it swept, the babies are all black."

Spare a thought for Michael O'leary chief executive of Ryanair arriving in a hotel in Dublin, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness.

The barman nodded and said "that will be 2 euros please Mr O'leary"
Somewhat taken back O'leary replied "Thats very cheap" and handed over his money.

"Well we try to stay ahead of the competion" said the barman ".....but you dont seem to have a glass - so that will be another 3 euros"

O'leary grimfaced paid up.

He took his drink and was walking to a seat.

"Oh so you want to sit down" said the barman "..that will be another 4 euros, please - oh actually I see you didnt pre-book the seat so thats another 5 euros"

O'leary swore to himself but paid up.

"I see that you want to bring that lap top with you and since that was not pre-booked either, that will be another 6 euros".

O'leary was so p155ed off, that he walked back to the bar slammed his drink on the counter and yelled "This is a fecking rip off, I want to speak to the Manager"!

"Thats fine, but you can only contact him by email", said the barman
".....by the way that will be another 5 euros for use of the counter. Are you going to wash the glass yourself? If so, that will be another 5 euros
to use the wash room - and make sure you tidy up before you leave"!

Have a Nice Day, Mr O'leary.