3 guys begin working for a Toothbrush firm. Each day two of the guys sell 20 toothbrushes each, but the third guy consistently sells two hundred. The other two guys are jealous , but can't figure out his secret.

Then, one day, they spot him in a supermarket, where he's set up a Peanut Butter Dip sample table?

Confused "This is your secret?" says the first guy.

"Try some dip" says the third - The pair both take a little bit of dip from the table...

"F### Me!" says the second guy. "This tastes like SH!T !"

"It is sh!t. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

My wife caught me smiling earlier today...

"Why - you're in a good mood this morning ?" she says to me

"Ha yeah - I had a really, REALLY dirty dream last night !" I explained

"Well, I hope I was in it ?" she frowned

"You sure was !" I burst out

"Oooh!" she giggled, "What was I doing?"

"Kicking me and your sister out!" I replied

Right you chavvy blackberry users..
lets see if you can organise a riot now you morons.

Love

David Cameron

Sent from my iphone

For his birthday,little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said 'Son we'd give you one but the mortgage on this house is £280,000 and your mother just lost her job.There's no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked 'Son where are you going?'

Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. Well I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a £280,000 mortgage and no bloody bike!

Heard about the woman that fitted herself with a home made contraceptive coil?

She's expecting a baby in the spring.

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.

On Monday, at the courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop.

"You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one
around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around" He stated in an interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose; cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.

I said, Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said... A pumpkin? Sh*t... is it midnight already?

I called up the local rambling society today, but the chap I spoke to just went on and on and on..... .
Experience is the only genuine knowledge, but as time passes, I have forgotten more than I can remember
Volvo V70 P2 2006 2.4 Petrol 170bhp Estate SE
MG Midget Mk1 1962

Previous: L322 Range Rover TDV8 3.6 2008; L322 Range Rover TD6 3.0 2002; P38A Range Rover V8 1999

I phoned up a sex line today, and as she started talking absolute filth to me, I whipped my cock out and started to w.ank away.It was at that point the Police officer dragged me out of the Phone box.

A Blonde walks in the library and goes up to the librarian and in a loud tone says, I would like a hamburger and french fries. The librarian tells her she is in a library. The blonde apologises and in a whisper says, “I would like a hamburger and french fries.” Present :2008 TDV8 HSE
Gone Audi A5 2.7TDI
Gone Discovery 3 HSE
Gone Mercedes CLK
Gone Range Rover 2.5 DSE

Snake 1: Hey, are we poisonous?
Snake 2: I don’t know, why?
Snake 1: Because I just bit my tongue. Present :2008 TDV8 HSE
Gone Audi A5 2.7TDI
Gone Discovery 3 HSE
Gone Mercedes CLK
Gone Range Rover 2.5 DSE

removed for being bold. Present :2008 TDV8 HSE
Gone Audi A5 2.7TDI
Gone Discovery 3 HSE
Gone Mercedes CLK
Gone Range Rover 2.5 DSE

Last edited by Googsy on 16th Oct 2011 11:09am. Edited 1 time in total

an ode to googsy


there was a man from the isle of green
who was on a forum and has never been seen
he told a joke
and made a poke
at 3 old members, now that's pretty mean ... - .- -.




Y. O. L. O.
.

 Present :2008 TDV8 HSE
Gone Audi A5 2.7TDI
Gone Discovery 3 HSE
Gone Mercedes CLK
Gone Range Rover 2.5 DSE

Shame on you googsy2 for bringing unrest and upsetting other forum members you will forever be tarred with the infamous brush

Me personally i thought it was quite funny , maybe thats why there is not much comparison between me and water off a ducks back ….

Stan must be getting a bit touchy in his old age