Driving to town this morning there was a woman behind me in a BMW doing 90mph while putting her eyeliner on.

I looked away then looked again and she was halfway over the white line.

It scared me so much I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand.

Trying to steer the car with my knees knocked the mobile phone from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs which splashed and burnt my balls.

Causing me to scream and drop the cigarette out of my mouth which ruined my shirt.

F**KING WOMEN DRIVERS !!!!!!!!!