I brought a bag of fresh air today.

Imagine my surpise when I discovered a crisp in there


..................................................................................................


I was walking down the street the other day when a man stopped his car and threw cheese at me ... I said " wow that was mature "


...................................................................................................

After trying a new soup from the supermarket for the first time, my wife wrote an enthusiastic letter of approval to Heinz. Several weeks later, I got home from work to a large box on the kitchen table. Inside were free samples of many Heinz products, including beans, snacks and soups of every kind.
"Well what do you think?" asked my wife.

I replied "I'm emailing Babestation."


....................................................................................................

I Know it's not Monday ......

My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice. "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" i said, there's nothing to confess. Everything's all right."
"No I must die in peace. I your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!"
"I know," I whispered "That's why I poisoned you, you , now close your eyes''

A man takes his goldfish to the vets...

"I think my fish is epileptic" he says to the vet

"Your fish looks fine to me" the vet replies

"Wait a minute..." the man says, "...I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet"

I don't get the Ethiopians and Kenyans.

Running a 26 mile marathon... piece of ! But ask them to walk 5 miles for water... winge, winge, winge.

After an evening of drunken clubbing, I woke up this morning to find I had a few blackheads...

a successful nights work for me and my trusty club. knows what I did with their bodies though

Sickpedia Mick...

Yeah you can't beat it Rob ....................

iT LAD wrote:

Sickpedia Mick...

I lost my wedding ring yesterday. Had a brief look under the sofa but wasn't really bothered,

so my wife told me to look harder.I've shaved my head and bought a new Nike tracksuit, but i still can't find it.

MICK wrote:

iT LAD wrote:

Sickpedia Mick...

That you using that spellchecker again ..........http://www.sickipedia.org/

Now your using it ........... some good jokes on there , some just a bit too risque for here all the same ..........

Meant to say seen your ideal FFRR , just a pity it was in Spain ..........

I became confused when I heard he word SERVICE used with the following agencies :
BANKING SERVICE
POSTAL SERVICE
TELEPHONE SERVICE
CIVIL SERVICE
PUBLIC SERVICE
CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is not what I thought SERVICE meant
However today I overheard two farmers talking and one of them said he was hiring a bull to SERVICE his cows,
and BAM!! it all came into focus. Now I know what all those agencies are doing to us

What a day I've had today.

I got out of the shower, went down for breakfast, and found my wife of 10 years stone dead in the kitchen.

To top that off I found a fiver in my suit jacket pocket!

Pity you didn't find a FFRR in your driveway ..........  ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy