The first task for the Chilean miners after their release, is to visit Anfield and teach Roy Hodgson how to get out of a big hole before Christmas

Schizophrenia - together I can beat it

I hate how mainstream and famous the miners have become.

I liked it when they were a bit more underground.

Tough game for Liverpool tomorrow.

Football.

The first one made my whole office laugh.

Went to a muslim stag do the other night. It was wild. The stripper got her face out for the lads  ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp".

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "Well that is great, You see now how much keeping your mouth shut helps?" ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Paddy has being arrested for punching his wife again.
The judge asked "Why do you keep beating her?"
Paddy replies "I think its my weight advantage, longer reach and superior footwork" ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

MICK wrote:

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp".

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "Well that is great, You see now how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

You have to admire those Chilean miners.Stuck down a hole for 69 days and the first thing they do when they come out is have a Stevie Wonder lookalike competition.




I was in a nightclub last night when a Paki women walked up to me.

She said 'I could do with a big dick.'

I said 'I bet you could you've already got a moustache.'  ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Well it's almost over.

After 69 days of doing nothing a group of men in hard hats and high visibility jackets are getting ready to go home.

The council have finally filled in the pothole at the end of my road

Bet those miners are glad they got out before the Americans decided to come and rescue them.

British rescue operation.

Use stealth tactics to get into the enemy building. Use silenced weapons and gas to disable combatants and avoid detection. Rescue victim quickly and without taking any casualties.

American rescue operation.

Roll up in Hummers, because they are cool. Throw grenades at building until everyone inside is dead, because explosions are cool. Drag corpse of person you just 'rescued' out of the rubble and stick American flag in them. High five anyone in your platoon still alive. ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

Man goes into the Doctor for his test results, the doctor says, "Dave, I have some bad news, and some good news."
"What's the bad news?" Dave replies.
"You have a terrible, terrible illness."
"and the good?" he urges.
"You're going to have a disease named after you." ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

‎2 CATHOLIC PREISTS AT A PARTY DECIDE TO HAVE A GO ON A BUCKING BRONCO. THE FIRST PRIEST LASTS 30 SECONDS THE SECOND PRIEST LASTS OVER TEN MINUTES.......THE FIRST PRIEST ASKS HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT? THE SECOND PRIEST REPLIES ONE OF MY ALTAR BOYS WAS EPILEPTIC.......... 2002 td6 vogue, 06 supercharged facelift