| An Englishman's first winter in Scotland. NSFW | |
An Englishman in Scotland
The diary of an Englishman's first winter in the Scottish Highlands.
Dec 20th.
It's starting to snow, the first of the season and the first I've seen for years. the wife and I took our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.
Dec 24th.
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as far as the eye could see. Every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle, a truly fantastic sight. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and I loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved so I waved back and got on with shoveling the driveway again. The children nextdoor built a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose. They even had a snowball fight with a couple of snowballs only just missing me, instead scoring direct hits on my car. I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.
Dec 26th.
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches snapped off our trees due to the weight of the snow and I had to shovel the driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again although much of the snow is now a brownish-grey.
Jan 1st.
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. I bought some snow tyres for both cars, a full thousand pounds for those. Fell on my arse on the driveway which meant another hundred quid to the physio, but nothing broken.
Jan 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the wing, another four hundred quid. Had another 8 inches of white sh*te last night, both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush. That bastard snowplough came by twice today. Where's my bloody shovel?
Jan 9th
More F*****g snow! Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't been damaged. The power was off for a full 9 hours last night. we tried to keep warm with candles and a paraffin heather which tipped over and nearly torched the house. I put the flames out OK but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. The car hit a deer on the way to hospital and was written off.
Jan 13th
F*****g b*****d white s**te just keeps on coming down. Have to put on every article of clothing I own just to go to the post box. The little sods next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back. I'll shove that carrot so far up their little arses it'll take a good surgeon 6 hours to find it. If I ever catch the arsehole that drives the snowplough I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart, in the unlikely event he has one of course. He seems to wait round the corner until I finish shoveling and then drives down the street like Michael bloody Schumacher so as to bury our drive again.
Jan 17th
16 more sodding inches of f*****g snow and f*****g ice and f*****g sleet and God knows what other white sh*te fell last night. I'm due in court next week for assaulting the snowplough driver with my ice axe. Can't move my f*****g toes or fingers. Haven't seen the sun for weeks. Minus f*****g 20 degrees and more bloody snow forecast. I'm off back to London!
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17th Jan 2013 7:02pm
