They were the cheesiest jokes so far

Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks ?"
Girl says "I don’t think it’s in yet"
He replies "Yeah, that’s the one !!" Previously..
Vogue SE TD6
Defender 90 2.4
Defender 110 TD5
Vogue 3.5 EFI

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am!! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

IRISH TALKING CLOCK


After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new
Apartment to a couple of his friends.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.


'What's that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked..

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk replied.

'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'YUP, it is' replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.
'Watch,' the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an
Ear-shattering pound and stepped back. .

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
'You ASSHOLE! It's THREE-FIFTEEN in the MORNING!' 2006 HSE

> SELECT * from users WHERE clue > 0
0 rows returned

^^^ Everyone is clueless

Should have returned at least 1 row...........

 2011 Range Rover Vogue SE 4.4 TDV8

Previous cars :
2003 Range Rover Vogue TD6
1999 Discovery Td5 ES
1995 BMW M5 3.8 6 speed
1992 Range Rover 3.9 Efi Vogue
1992 BMW M5 3.8
1988 BMW 735i SE
1989 Ford Sierra XR4x4 2.9i
1981 Ford Fiesta Supersport

Can't return 1 row as everyone is clueless

The wife came back from buying her costume for a fancy dress party earlier. "Stay there baby" she said to me, "while I nip upstairs and put it on to show you." She came back down, opened the living room door and stood before me. "Wow honey, that's a winning costume you've got there." I told her. "That's the most convincing killer whale outfit I've ever seen."She said, "I'm a nun, you c@nt."

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, apparently they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians able to settle here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Eon couldn't have picked a better name if they'd have tried, because that's how long it's taking them to come and fix my gas meter.

Top 5 Jeremy Kyle Movies - Snow White and the 7 possible fathers, Alice in Poundland, He cheated on you, me and Dupree, Cheaper by the cousin, Devil wears Primark.

You lady buys a pair of very fetching undies from Marks and Sparks.

Sadly on the first day of wearing said pair, the elastic waist breaks.

So, with the threat of having to go commando looming, off she pops to the local M&S to see what can be done.

After embarrassedly explaining the situation to the young male shop assistant on the Returns desk, he proudly states that M&S policy is to replace any faulty goods without question and that by all means she can have a replacement pair, providing she returns the faulty goods.

"But you don't understand" whispers the young girl. "I've come in them"

"Madam", says he, "It doesn't matter if you've crapped in them, if they're faulty, we'll replace them!" 2012 FFRR Westminster Orkney / Ivory and absolutely no pimp-glass!