Little Johnny 's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from The hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the Baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said,'What a beautiful baby.'The mother said, 'Why, Thank you,Johnny'
Johnny said, 'He has beautiful little feet,
beautiful little hands,a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?'

'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'

'That's great', said Little Johnny ,'coz he'd be f d if he needed glasses.

Today my wife said she had a head cold.I said,"It's probably caused by you being a fat b d."
"How the f k can being fat cause a head cold?" She asked.
I said "Cos your heads never out of the f g fridge!!"

...................................
Kylie Minogue,Robbie Williams and Elton John were walking over a bridge.
Kylie trips and gets her head jammed between the railings.
With a sideways glance,Robbie pulls aside her thong,and f s her senseless.
He stands back and tells Elton "Your turn".
Elton bursts into tears."What's up?"asks Robbie.
Elton sobs'"I'm too fat my head won't fit through the railings"

....................................
I looked out of my window and saw a group of people gathering around a bloke who'd come off his motorbike,
So I frantically rushed over."Out of the way!" I shouted,as I pushed through the crowd.
"Are you a doctor?" one woman screamed."No" I replied,"Thats my f pizza".