ambulancekidd wrote:

Once upon a time a man asked the only woman he wanted if "she'd marry him"?

R. I. P. Margaret Thatcher............


She F.u.c.k.e.d. more miners than Jimmy Saville.  gone fishin'

When i realized Margaret Thatcher was dead i dud a double fist pump and shouted "F.u.c.k.i.n.g brilliant.
Every one around me was disgusted, and looking back, i suppose i was out of order,
Especially as i was the first paramedic on the scene.  gone fishin'

I'd jump for joy at Thatchers passing were it not for my fragile bones brought about by a lack of milk as a child. gone fishin'

RInoPeace Iron Lady, may she rust in peace. The reason women's minds are cleaner than a mans mind is that women change their minds more often!
When women say fine a mans in deep doodoo as fine has so many meanings.

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

the bloke who invented the hokey cokey died recently..when they put him in the coffin, they put his left leg in , then right leg in............................ ... - .- -.




Y. O. L. O.
.

 


After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?" "In fact, I do," said the old man.

"After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August." Previously..
Vogue SE TD6
Defender 90 2.4
Defender 110 TD5
Vogue 3.5 EFI

A bloke is walking down the street when he passes a new bakers shop.

The sign outside says "Every cake £1!" so he goes inside and is quite taken by the quality and the range, but on looking at the top shelf he sees a cake in the middle of the row marked up at £3.

"Here!" he says ".. it says on the sign outside that every cake is £1!"

"What of it?" says the baker.

"Well, that cake in the middle of the top shelf is £3!" says the bloke.

"I know.." says the baker ".. but that's Madeira cake."

Man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special"

Cabbie: "There's more"......."He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."

Passenger. "Wow, some bloke then"

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them."

"Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his f*cking widow."

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

Range Rover are recalling all their L405 vehicles because of a major fault.


Two have recently been seen with an indicator working

paddy called the rspca today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"that's terrible," she replied "are they moving?" "i'm not sure to be honest" paddy said, "but that would explain the suitcase!"

Will I Live to see 80 ?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80 ? '

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor ?

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs ?

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling ?

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex ? '

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a s.h.i.t. ? '