A typical wee Glasgow woman answered a knock at her door to be met by a Hoover salesman "F.uck Off" she said .

The next thing the salesman tips a bucket of s.hite onto her hall carpet and say's " don't worry madam if this Hoover fails to pick it all up i will eat the remainder.

To which the Woman replies "well i hope your f.ucking starving because my electricity was cut off this morning ya wee Fanny" ...  ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy