monday, tuesday,wednesday,thursday,friday,saturday,sunday......ahhh, those were the days.


i accidentally ordered 48 tins of 'tipex' , big mistake.


never hit a man with glasses, hit him with a baseball bat. ... - .- -.




Y. O. L. O.
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Been sniffing the glue pot again Stan?

crowded elevator lifts smell different to midgets. ... - .- -.




Y. O. L. O.
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^^^ 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works .
Experience is the only genuine knowledge, but as time passes, I have forgotten more than I can remember
Volvo V70 P2 2006 2.4 Petrol 170bhp Estate SE
MG Midget Mk1 1962

Previous: L322 Range Rover TDV8 3.6 2008; L322 Range Rover TD6 3.0 2002; P38A Range Rover V8 1999

sex is not the answer. sex is the question. "yes" is the answer.

if I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

my psychiatrist told me i was crazy and i said i want a second opinion, he said okay, you're ugly too. ... - .- -.




Y. O. L. O.
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I may not always be right, but I am never wrong! .
Experience is the only genuine knowledge, but as time passes, I have forgotten more than I can remember
Volvo V70 P2 2006 2.4 Petrol 170bhp Estate SE
MG Midget Mk1 1962

Previous: L322 Range Rover TDV8 3.6 2008; L322 Range Rover TD6 3.0 2002; P38A Range Rover V8 1999

I'm in great shape this week. It just happens that this week's shape is a sack of spuds.

Heard about the Irish lamp post? ed on the dog!

I have the body of an 18 year old. It's in a jar in the fridge. Si. <This is my name.

I eat rat poison.

A man ain't truly been insulted until he stands buck naked in front of a woman and she didn't even notice. Or care.

i used to be indecisive but now i am not so sure  Mine was a blue one!

A little bit long, but what the hell...

I walked into my house to find that my wife had gone and a note was nailed to the wall.
"We have your wife.If you want to see her alive we want £500k.Do not contact the Police.
We are very determined.Await a phone call."
They weren't fu****g joking about being determined.I've had 36 missed calls from them now......

............................................
I took the wife to a disco at the weekend.There was a guy on the dancefloor giving it large.
Breakdancing,moonwalking,back flips,the works.My wife turned to me and said,
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
I said "Looks like he's still celebrating......

............................................
I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday.The wife was sat in the armchair,crying her eyes out in the dark.
I could see that some heartless git had upset her,but I knew it wasn't me.I haven't been home since Thursday.

i was mugged by a man on crutches, wearing camouflage. ha ha, i thought, you can hide but you can’t run

if you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. they’re trained for that.

so i phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck. turns out i phoned dial a lama.

old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, i don’t think so…retired “mermaids.”

if they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious. ... - .- -.




Y. O. L. O.
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Stan a big thank you to Milton Jones one of my favorite comics 2010 3.6TDV8 Stornoway Grey/ Black interior - gone
2005 4.4V8 (M62) Bonatti Grey/ Parchment interior - gone
1998 4.6HSE Blue/ Cream interior (can't remember exact colours) - gone
1977 White - gone (should have kept)

indeed he is my favourite as well..  ... - .- -.




Y. O. L. O.
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